How does this body of my business letter sound?

Dear Ms. Rathwell:





A recent article about the use of Bisphenol-A has inspired me to write this letter to you.





According to the article and my research, there are products in the market that contain Bisphenol-A which cause a number of health risks such as cancer in humans . As a consumer I am concerned if the products I am buying are safe or not. I applaud the decision that Mountain Equipment Co-op has made by removing products that contain Bisphenol-A. This has even motivated me to boycott such products too till Health Canada deems them safe. I am anxious as to know what results will Health Canada release next May.





Thank-you for reading this letter.

How does this body of my business letter sound?
"As a consumer I am concerned if the products I am buying are safe or not."---I am concerned with the safety of the products I buy.


" I applaud the decision that Mountain Equipment Co-op has made by removing products that contain Bisphenol-A."---has made to remove products


"This has even motivated me to boycott such products too till Health Canada deems them safe."---This has motivated me to boycott such products until Health


" I am anxious as to know what results will Health Canada release next May."---anxious to know the results Health Canada will release next May.
Reply:It is a complain and not a business letter as you mentioned. It is very well drafted complain.Well done.
Reply:Remember that a BUSINESS LETTER is a letter about business, and not a personal letter in disguise. This is what you seem to have here.





Its not clear who Ms. Rathwell works for.


If you know the article in question, cite it correctly. The combination "too till" should be simply "until".


What exactly do you want Ms. Rathwell to do for you. She can't let you know now what Health Canada will decide.
Reply:I see some commas need to be added. Also it is until not till. A comma is needed between risks and such, consumer and I, too and till. It is I am anxious to know what results Health Canada will release next May not the way you have it. Remember a business letter needs to have the address of the recipient.





http://esl.about.com/library/howto/htbus...
Reply:very well done